MY WHEEKLY BLOG

THE THOUGHTS AND RAMBLINGS OF AN ACTUAL GUINEA PIG

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this my banner

I have decided to cooperate, and complete a banner. 

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It succeeds in simplicity, design and sex appeal (guinea pigs have very different needs to you humans).

While it does not utilise the fonts previously explored, it is important to note that sometimes it is essential to remove components that, while perfectly nice on their own, sometimes do not compliment the entire article, like a hand grenade, in a nursery. 

The colour scheme also had some noticeable changes in lineup. The off-white became near-white, near-black became black-black, and egg-yolk-orange became guinea-pig-cream. Yolk saw this radical change as I am cream coloured, not yolk, and I do not enjoy lying to my slaves fans. To my faithful who are colourblind, or even full-blown blind, you probably do not understand what all the fuss is about, but let me assure you that you will soon have your revenge. 

Considering the blog already provides a second line of text to compliment my banner, my tagline is provided by the blog while the banner itself with my portrait painted by Jean Fouquet.

You love it!

Filed under iamtherealbanner uni

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Text and Colour

Here are a couple of fonts that I as a guinea pig feel best represent me, and my blog. 

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The one is called ‘Seedy Motel’. While the name alone should explain more than you need to know, I will go forth and dissect this font for all its font-like and font-unalike values. 

'Seedy Motel', also known also by its working title 'Shit-stained X-Rays', is a free downloadable font from dafont.com: a humble service provider for graphic and type designers alike. It is a bold, tight, exaggerated sans-serif, with gritty horizontal lines texturing its all-caps lettering. 

I enjoy this font particularly because of its bold curvatures. It is a very loud font, and demands attention, which I can admire. I also enjoy that some letters received more light and texture, indeed more attention than others; this greatly reflects the selective nature of humans. 

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This is ‘Headliner No.45’, another font provided by dafont.com. 

While similar to ’Venetian Blind Zombie Apocalypse’, ‘Headliner No.45’ offers a typographical experience that is same-same-but-different.

It is less curved, less tight (without appropriate kerning), features serif-like-things on the E and F, and is generally thinner. While ‘Static TV Wasteland’ functions as a main heading font, ‘Headliner No.45’, despite its self-proclaimed title, fits in as a sub-heading font. Considering both have stylised weathering, they seamlessly work together in design. An example of this collaboration has been provided below.

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I totally did make this. 

On a side-note, these two fonts have also disproved the general rule that, by default, serif fonts are masculine and sans-serif are feminine. I propose the dawn of a new, androgynous era in fonts, an era where the gender of a typeface will not be judged by its serifs, but by the sexual tensions of its creator. 

On that tone, and on that pun of epic foreshadowing, we arrive at…

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I totally didn’t make this.

So this part of the task requires me to look into contemporary colour theories, so where better (worse) to go than contemporary (regurgitated) fashion! (regurgitation!)?

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Now I’m not going to go all sans-serif on this colour wheel and say whether it’s more masculine or feminine (and I won’t let you decide which one it is anyway), but may I just say this is really, really, really, really, REALLY shit this year.

Linen, sure, if you’re wearing a designer potato-sack. Lemon Zest, sure if you want to be a Formula1 promo girl. Nectarine goddamn that colour was awful when it was still a fruit. Poppy red yeah okay. African violet you hurt my eyes. Is emerald trying to bring back the Wizard of Oz, leave Elpheba alone! Tender shoots is like seeing lime green go through puberty. Grayed Jade you’re pretty cool. Dusk blue too. Monaco Blue go to hell people are going to wear you with gold and think they’re shit hot Commodores or something. 

Let’s bring on some REAL colours

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Hell yeah nothing says spring like unsaturated neutrals. 

But for the sake of this exercise I have reached my conclusive trichrome. I have selected off-white, so-close-to-black-it’s-almost-black-but-still-technically-grey, and the kind of orange best described as egg-yolk. Oh here they come now

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Now before you can say ‘hey are you just eating licorice-all sorts?’, let me explain why this is a brilliant palette. It offers three distinctly different values, it is ‘clean’ in terms of design application, it is attention-grabbing but not in an unattractive way (see japanese seizure robots for more info), and overall rather modern, but still eerily timeless. 

Here we can see the palette adapted for a logo design.image

This brings us to the overdue conclusion for this exercise. Forgive my thoroughness. 

Filed under i actually do this for fun font colour palette totallyaguineapig uni

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The Bowling Pin That Is Me

I am a bowling pin. Metaphorically, not literally.  We can’t forget too soon that I am a guinea pig. But today, may I be remembered as a bowling pin. Yes, at first I seem useless, inanimate, a recreational tool confined to a single purpose. But no, you have dismissed all lateral thinking there is! You have tried for decades to destroy me, but I stand by my brothers and sisters in line, knowing all the spherical terrors you happily hurl at us, and yet I stand, we stand, confidently arranged, awaiting our short-lived demise and prompt rebirth.

But I am a symbol.

I am hope, vigour, ambition.

For like the bowling pin, you can never hurt me. I am small, but you can never discourage me. Whatever you do, I will come back, I will be reborn and I will laugh down at you as you reiterate your attempts to subjugate me. Bowling, are we? Are you the one having fun, or am I?

Yet, I am not limited to bowling. Is my flat bottom not ideal for paper-holding? Am I not an ideal centrepiece in a house focused on art décor? Is my composition not artistically perfect in terms of balance, colour, rhythm and planar? Is my hefty weight, and perfectly sized head not perfectly designed for bludgeoning, say, fruit? Have you not spent the best part of a century perfecting my shape, size and exterior, only to augment my greater strength within? I can complete any task.

I am adaptive, deceptive, composed.

You realise now that the bowling pin is everything you aspire to be. I am the epitome of reCREATION. You worshipped me, once as a guinea pig, now reborn as a bowling pin.

Gobble-gobble-gobble on that, turkey-brains.

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Filed under bowling inyoface uni

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more uni work

Why I picked this theme for my blog, based on what I learnt about reader behaviour.

It’s easier to list reasons, because:

- information is easier to digest in list form

- points are separated, making them easier to differentiate

- i can still properly construct my argument but with a fraction of the effort

- no regard for cohesive paragraphing

see what i did there? i made a list of reasons for my list of reasons being a list of reasons. fucking. brilliant. man.

Justification for my theme:

- it’s a tumblr theme, because I had a tumblr account previous to this unit, and it was the obvious choice to continue using this blog site with which I am familiar, rather than starting an alien new one

- it is a simple design, focusing on the content rather than having a million shiny distracting background images

- the blog and the bio are organised into thin columns, and if we want to get into ergonomics this means less strenuous lengthy sentences spread across the page which tend to hurt to read

- extending from the previous note, having a text-heavy blog means it is best to disguise the reading by making it seem easier, which is achieved by the columns which put roughly 12-15 words per line

- the colour scheme has no saturation, meaning any pictures or videos added will stand out against the wash of grey and black text around them, thus enhancing their appeal and drawing the readers’ eyes to them

- the paper pages motif in the background is quite a nice junction between traditional and digital mediums, making the page appear fun and quirky

- the headline is given the option to be fuck-off massive, which I completely and pun-tastically abused

- it is simple, outfitted to simply complete the task of writing a blog, rather than making a fully functional, connected and successful blog page

- the font is a serif, which challenges the idea that sans-serif are better for online reading. The blog also plays a key role in The Resurgence Of The Almighty Serif

This list is sufficient. I completely exceeded all expectations for this task. 

Filed under that's how i tumblr uni

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Uni work

My dream job?

If we’re going to go in terms of what my course thinks it’s setting me up for, it’s me flawlessly predicting every social media and cultural trend of the eight next decades, making 7 digits from my corner desk in New Silicon York Valley.

If we’re going to be realistic about my course and what it is actually setting me up for, I’ll graduate, sit around impatiently for a year waiting for something to open up, then realise it’s all about the initiative, get up off my ass, smash out an interview and then work for ten or more years at some relatively unknown business which needs social media management all the while it prays to Rupert Murdoch it goes into receivership. 

If we’re going to consider why I took the degree in the first place, it’s because I wanted to work in radio, but couldn’t be screwed going to Melbourne to study it because I was 18 and didn’t want to leave Brisbane, just yet anyway. So Media & Communications here seemed the way to go. I listened to Hamish and Andy and Jamie Dunn and sometimes Peter Helliar and Judith Lucy but her face was weird even for radio. I just wanted to do that, to be a voice and a personality and an entertainer that made people laugh and just seemed like a friend to them as my radio heroes were to me. 

If we’re going by semi-realistic dream job but don’t consider my degree as being a central part of it, I want to be an author. I want to write fantasy novels in huge overly-developed and well thought out universes that will blow people minds as I draw every little detail.

If we’re going to be really-unrealistic, then I’d continue from this and say I want to direct these books into movies and then further blow people minds and send all the money I make to charities and research foundations. I would like to do what I love to make money to help fix the world as best as I can. 

Hell while we’re here my paramount dream job is Anna Kendrick’s boyfriend. Ahahahahahaha no I’m serious. 

This brings us to part two, my strengths. Well for radio, I’ve been doing announcing and presenting for over 2 years now, with my own little breakfast show that I put a lot of love and time into. For writing, I’ve been writing and making stories since I can remember. I never show people them, mostly because I like showing people the finished products and once I show someone something, well, it’s not as fun after that. 

This is a good chance to bring up my weaknesses. As we can see from above, I am indecisive. I get an amazing idea one day and then hate it the next. I am unsure of my own limits and abilities. I want to direct a movie, but that would take at least a decade to get to, and if I get half way and hate it I’ve wasted 5 years on nothing. So now I’m a pessimist. For radio, my weakness would probably be working around nowhere-near-industry-standard broadcasting. As it is, I can go on air and say and do just about anything I want, and it’s okay because it’s not like every news paper and TV show is going to be talking about it for like a day before something else as trivial and unimportant comes up. And I love that, because it gives me so much freedom and there is no pressure surrounding what I do. So now I’m an optimist. 

Doing radio while in Uni I guess has well prepared me for when I graduate. I mean, I makes sense, to pack all my learning into one part of my life, and then use all that learning and the single piece of paper that I have to prove any of that intelligence exists and run away and be the next John Laws. Right? I sure hope so.

But this bring us to the what if’s. So now for the purpose of this exercise I have to be a pessimist again. What if I get into radio and then the whole industry collapses? What if no one wants to hire the guys that just wants to be Hamish Blake? What if I get into the radio industry and it’s even more fake and scripted than I feared? What if I get my dream job and my bosses are Diane Keaton and Harrison Ford? What if there’s a zombie apocalypse or a radio-destroying epidemic of equal proportions? Goddamn pessimism inducing exercises! 

If anything else, may this be progress.

Filed under radio uni

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moving out 3 - you are an expensive person

got a lego addiction like me, but only raking in $50 a week after living expenses? shit. you are going to just have to live without that UCS X-Wing. Used to dad buying the good branded biscuits, because he is as oblivious as he is awesome? I sure hope you like hallway cupboards filled up with single-ply toilet tissues because that shit only goes on specials like once a year, and buying in bulk is the only way now. 

things that you don’t need to buy the named brands for: pasta, cheese, milk, shoes, bread, flour, sugar,.

things you do need to invest in: peanut butter, medicine, pots and pans, light bulbs, batteries.

you’re just going to have to live with turning disappointing dishes into mediocre dishes with the power of the spices and seasons.

Filed under subsidise lego tax barbie dolls living out of home food life